Quarantine Life
Home Studio, Miami Beach
Live and love your fucking life. Take pictures of everything. Tell people you love them. Talk to random strangers. Do things that you’re scared to do. Fuck it, because so many of us die and no one remembers a thing we did. Take your life and make it the best story in the world. Don’t waste shit.
As someone with an exclusive archive of quotes, they're continually floating through my head, respectively. I mentally grab them throughout my day to drive home points - it's a pretty satisfying and convenient habit of mine. However, my opening quote has been embedded in my psyche since I read it earlier this month. I can't escape from it. I've been occupied with it just as much as the world has been with COVID-19. I fall asleep thinking of it, and wake up earlier because of it. Trying to live harder, use my energy better, express myself thoroughly, create continuously and freely. As an artist, this lulled time has been everything I've wanted and more. As a human being, I hurt with the rest of the world.
Cons:
We're all being forced to change and adapt to this "new normal," some faster than others - especially those without money. People are getting their shit wrecked; everybody is furloughed, unemployment skyrocketed, people don't have savings accounts or healthcare, hospitals are packed, doctors and nurses are going through it, families are paranoid, friends are isolated and depressed, people are literally dying while singers are having a fucking LIVE session every damn day. We get it, you can sing - I'm very aware that's not their point, but it's the nature of trying to fill the time - that's what makes me so sick of all these sessions. Trying to fill all this empty time with noise, people don't know what to do with themselves. It's definitely a trend I cannot see myself jumping on. And I've been deciphering for awhile just why I'm not here for it.
The illusion of the facade is the first thing that comes to mind; it's shattered when LIVE-stream comes into play. That's against my aesthetic, which is very developed, cleanly executed, and articulated to the best of my ability at the time. I also could care less in sharing LIVE moments in real-time, don't get me wrong. I've seen some highly successful streams during the pandemic. An accomplished choreographer who usually prefers to teach a small class of 10 or so, hosted a LIVE stream to over 60,000 dancers. Who then uploaded and hashtagged their videos for her to review, critique, and comment later. That's fucking powerful! I know several artists who have been featured on virtual studio tours on gallery accounts that not only give them more outreach but keeps people interested in what artists are doing. I understand how convenient LIVE can be, maybe I'm just annoyed with how people are trying to capitalize on it. Some will argue that this amount of authenticity is needed during a digital age. Oh fuck off! I can't emphasize how annoyed I am with people showing any form of authenticity while behind a screen. It's all a performance.
Pros:
I feel like an artist. A sustainable artist. A professional artist. A goofy artist who knows their worth; I don't take my work or myself too seriously - but I surely can when necessary, when appropriate, when provoked. I'm triggered but very desirous of the time coronavirus has supplied me. Creativity can't keep its hands off of me. I'm in love with creating, so much so that my dreams can't keep me asleep long enough. I'd rather be awake drawing. This joy I feel is strongly jaded - it's a double-ended sword because the world is genuinely hurting out here, while I am enjoying being an artist who is also hurting with the world. Rent is still due, bills are still due.
But there's something about the essence of that opening quote that has me internally slaphappy. Since graduating, I've been converting back into an introvert. I don't actively hold conversations like I used to, I'm incredibly picky with my energy, and I'd much rather be with my thoughts or working on a creative project to better me in someway than waste time on someone or something that doesn't have a fulfilling outcome. With this introvertive mindset comes self-enlightenment, self-love, self-appreciation, heightened self-worth, and so much more. I feel like the happiest sunflower at sunrise, with my roots firmly grounded, I follow the sun of creativity and it consumes me. How do I fill my time? Lately, drawing takes up about 80% of it and I'm not upset about any of it. Also, going to sleep without setting the alarm knocks me out so quick.
It's all about the little victories, you know. Just yesterday, when drawing a portrait I've had in my archives for months, after strainingly capturing his last eyelash with my stylus, I paused and did my little nugget happy dance in celebration. I saved his portrait cause I loved the contrast of his soft eyes with heavy brows. His face is so sweet to me, but I held off on drawing him cause it wasn't time. Blame it on creative block, blame it on insecurities, whatever, I wasn't ready. But because of the Rona™, all I've had is time to practice, time for paying more attention to detail, and time for just having fun. With that, skills become more developed; things become a little easier; I fall in love with my work all over again just as much as I fall in love with the moments of sharing my drawings of strangers. That's my little contribution of trying to ease some hearts during these times. It's not much, and I don't intend for it to ignite anyone to think that just because I'm using this time to be creative that I must be better than others. Absolutely not. Due to the inevitability of filling time, or just trying to make it through the day, I'm conscious that people are having to deal with parts of themselves that have been tucked away for years or they weren't even aware of until now. As an artist, I've already had the opportunity to unearth all parts of me due to the process of art making and expressing myself for years. This is how I am able to be so productive. I've done my time.
