Sisters
If there's only one thing I've learned from this life, it's that inner peace and joy is unwavering. And if you're fortunate enough to share such magic, like I have with Kathy, make the most of every damn second of it.
Sisters at first sight.
In December 2014, fresh outta undergrad was when I met Kathy at my first big boy design job as the Graphic Artist for Tanager Productions in Kentucky. I wasn't aware she was 'family' until she told me about her past lovers. We clicked instantly, and we felt we'd known each other our whole lives.
While I was in purgatory for half a year, waiting to hear back from graduate schools, Kathy offered me a place to stay - since my RA residency in the dorms was expiring. We lived in a rundown trailer park for six months in Benton, Kentucky - a terribly small, shallow community full of quiet, closed-minded people. They weren't afraid to glare at our happiness and often made me feel the most uncomfortable I've ever been in my life. But Kathy reassured me how she would kill for me. We made the most of those six months, through all the roof leaks, all the car troubles, all the ants and roaches, and small meals. We always reflect on how we felt absolutely miserable, but we were meant to be in that space and time for each other. We'll never get those laughs back again; we cherish them so much harder in retrospect. When I finally accepted a grad program and started making the necessary travel arrangements, Kathy decided that she would leave the same day as me.
Summer 2015
My adoptive dad came home from California to help me Uhaul from Kentucky to Nevada. Kathy took a whim and decided to move to South Carolina; she felt the beach was calling her. Saying goodbye to her was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. I still vividly see her in those sideview mirrors as my dad drove away. I cried from Kentucky to Illinois until it was my time to take the wheel.
I couldn't ever imagine that the next time I would see her would be two years later after both her mother and brother passed away consecutively - what a devasting blow to start the year. When she called me about the news, my heart broke into a million pieces; I could feel the pain. She told me what she really needed for healing was laughter, and just like that, I booked a flight as soon as the semester ended.
Summer 2017
The timing felt refreshing on the surface, but I could tell she was in for a long recovery - having to mourn two family members at once destroyed her. I vividly remember our prolonged embrace after my flight landed under the Charleston heat. My heart felt so heavy, and I vowed to help with the healing process as much as I could. (It must be said that I would not have been introduced to my penpal of three years without this trip. This is a separate narrative that needs to be thoroughly documented as well.)
I needed those five days of laughter and healing just as much as Kat did. I was headed into my thesis year of grad school and felt so drained, so burnt out. I was contemplating if I even wanted to finish the program. Still, Kathy was there for reassurance and encouragement, for she similarly experienced the same burn out while obtaining her master's. She informed me that coming out on the other side is worth all the pain and always remember why you started. To use that spark of energy to motivate and push me to keep going, finish what I started so I can stand tall in my accomplishments. And for we can celebrate my success.
----I'm overwhelmed while recollecting this moment because I severely needed those words, and no one other than Kathy could supply them. Absolutely no one else could relate and empathize with what I was going through besides you. I think of just how serendipitous it was to have you in my life. I've truly held on to those words with my whole heart, and it was worth it because a year later, we really did celebrate.----
Spring 2018
Having the head chair of my committee host my family and friends to celebrate my graduation was the most out-of-body experience of my entire life. Even more so than my first edible. I could never imagine these worlds colliding, so I didn't. I told myself it would be what it was going to be, and it was just that much more beautiful. It was my mom's first time flying, and thanks to Kathy, she was not alone. She also drove from South Carolina to Kentucky to make sure my mom could make it to the airport.
----I can never thank you enough for that, Kat; thank you again for your patience and time - you mean the world to me. Having you present for this moment meant more than anything because you knew what it really took for me to get here. I show everyone this photo of us cause it's my favorite. We deserve these smiles and wear them proudly. My heart goes out to Tom for capturing the glow of our happiness. The very same happiness that that small-town in Kentucky found too jarring to understand.----
I didn't see Kathy again until the very end of 2020. I was glad to know that she was much more at ease, mentally. Our conversations later proved that we both were in such a state of isolated bliss. We love and value our alone time and energy, so it's always a fun time when they collide. Hence the video below.
What solidified this trip for me was two things - understanding that just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to be together. Meaning, appreciate the time and the moment you have with someone while you can. Don't beg the universe for more or let your expectations misguide your reactions. Just be here now. And secondly, retrospection means more when you've learned the lessons that were meant for you. I gained a lot of closure by discussing our shared hardships and putting some of those experiences to rest. It's hard to continue to heal if parts of you are in survival mode.
