COVID+
Song of the Day
I Hope You Die - Molly Nilsson
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I passed out around 8 pm the other night and got up early enough to catch the sunrise. It made me realize I hadn't been biking since summer started, and now summer's over tomorrow. It was by far the best summer in a long while – far better than expected, and of course, it has to end with contracting COVID.
Mid photoshoot dressed in devil horns and a thong was when I got the call. Florida's Department of Health wanted to verify that I'd seen my positive test results - five days after receiving them. I had misread both as negative, unaware that my PCr results were, in fact, positive. I had no symptoms besides cough, which I thought was from weed, so getting the news felt strange. So I took another hit and continued living my at-home life.
I don't know what it is lately, but I feel oddly discombobulated with reality. I don't think I feel like myself, or I've become too carefree or careless about things that used to terrify me. The back of my mind hopes COVID actually takes me out because I don't know what the rest of my life looks like after this year. I still have sporadic high hopes and dreams, but the driving motivation that carried my life to this point feels so dim. I'm really tired of trying to make it in this world, this life, and I don't want a do-over.
Update: I haven't been to a therapist and still can't afford my rent for the rest of the year, but I'm taking that a day at a time - what's the worse that could happen?
